Dear Mrs. Harris,Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.6.. Of course there was the Playboy and Penthouse magazines but there were also porn magazines. We sat there going through them and getting turned on not believing what we were looking at. Then we found a magazine that showed woman pissing on each other. Jean and I looked at one another in disbelief. We had to read the words before we realized what was going on and found out what a golden shower was. I thought it was gross but good ole pervert Jean thought it would be fun. I said there was no way she was peeing in my mouth. She said she wanted to try it to see what it taste like. I said no way. We argued about it but kept checking out the magazines. We both fell silent when we found a magazine that had women with dicks. We could not believe what we were seeing. We were convinced that it was fake. But we were fascinated by it.Jean got back on the golden shower thing. I said " even if I did agree where the hell would we do it. It will be a mess."Jean said " we could get in the shower."I.
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